They're red. They're fuzzy. They're living in my closet.

So I was looking through my closet. Now, I don't know how they got here (Christmas present??), but they're here. I've never worn them, I have no idea why I still have them. But they're there. Can YOU guess what's hidden in my top shelf?

That's right- sock monkey footie pajamas.

You see, I could just get rid of them... and then there's this part of me that's thinking:

What if I needed to rob a bank... and needed... a fuzzy red monkey suit? That's what all the cool robbers are doing nowadays. Or, say, needed a cute outfit for a date? According to Seventeen, the #1 turn on for 82% of guys is red flannel footie pajamas. I'm pretty sure I caught it on the runway in Paris a few weeks ago. What if it was the apocalypse and the only way to survive the nuclear winter was to cover 90% of your body in red monkeylisciousness? What if it's discovered the cure for cancer? An infinite source of non-polluting energy? The cure for world hunger? The meaning of life?

I can see it now: Some guy starts screaming from a department store changing room:

I found it! The meaning of life! It's not 42, it's red monkey footie pajamas! My cancerous growth, gone! I'm no longer hungry! I am protected from the apocalypse! And I'm suddenly... so very aroused!

So now they're sitting there. Watching me.

SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH THEM!


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NEWS: School starts soon ugh ugh ugh. ugh.


IN OTHER NEWS, check out my friend's blog: jasonimeandavid.blogspot.com.
Go. Now. Read it. Shoo.