That's punny

For the lovers of words...

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
16. A calendar’s days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
30. I thought out of maybe 10 of these puns, one would make me laugh but unforunately no pun in ten did.
31. Atheism the only non prophet organisation
32. Seven days without water makes one weak.
33. Is your smug psychic over-charging you? Perhaps you can strike a happy medium.
34. The two hippies driving the mountain road left no turn unstoned.
35. Puns are for younger readers, not for groan adults!
36. My dad said he didn’t like how threadbare the new fashionable jeans looked, but I wore mine out anyway.
37. The Pope wears all leather, wholly cow shoes.
38. He was a modest dairy farmer and always said he owed his success to udders.
39. Law students who never study usually become alcoholics because they can never pass the bar.
40. DaVinci made a proposal that others help him build an ornithopter, but it didn’t fly.
41. Ask a tied up piece of twine that’s been rubbed all over the sidewalk if it’s a rope and it’s likely to reply that it’s a frayed knot.


C'mon, you gotta give them credit... a pun is a rare medium well-done.

BU DUM CHHHH!